Friday, March 29, 2013

Sometimes I just need to be heard!

Struggling is a word that I would describe of my life. When one area is good it seems I'm deeply troubled in another. I know what to do, I know what is right, I know how to get free but yet I don't live that way most of the time.

Why do you think that is?
Focussing on the bad rather than the good?
Not taking every thought captive?
Addicted to living life in a rut?
How do I find a balance?
Perhaps it's all of those combined!!!

My whole thought life has been so screwed up.

It brings me to tears just thinking about the way God doesn't care about all of the junk, because of Jesus he sees me as righteous, as holy and blameless in his sight. Just that thought overwhelms and consumes the sin in my life. Changes the Darkness to light and gives liberty in areas that without The Lord are forever in bondage.

Sometimes I feel like I have no voice like I'm not heard. I want to speak but i feel my thoughts and words are dumb or worthless. I feel that way because while forming thoughts and speaking them I second guess myself.

Just recently I started a movie and after the 19th F word I couldn't handle it anymore and went to bed. I hurt myself the next day and thought that F-ing hurt and then another 4 letter word. This is not the influence I want in my mind. I typically do not watch movies with too much cussing, adultery and nudity. When I hear or see those things they are an influence. Even if you think they aren't subconsciously they are.
When I listen to very much talk radio I get stirred up and angry. Then it spills into the rest of my life. I don't want to live out of those places. What am I letting influence me?

Going to school is very distracting and consumes my life. I let it control who I am at times. I get stressed, and overwhelmed then the rest if my life follows. I forget about who I am, I forget about the people I love, I forget about spending time with Jesus, I forget about responsibilities and do something to replace that with so i can forget about what i need to do or should do.

Thankful today for forgiveness and what this day means. Good Friday, such a powerful thing Jesus did on the cross!

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